confused ramblings

so much of what u read in books is what u want in life ...but i guess thats wat books are for to give u an alternate life ...to imagine.... for maybe in reality all that never happens.

we wish for a certain things to be a certain way coz we always picturised it over and over again . success, wealth, hope despair love evrything should be a certain way.

it should be but is it??

a lot of maybe's fill life and we make choices hoping we are right.as i write this post i wish with all my heart that the choices i make today are all for the best, for i am confused like never before. and this time i dont want to take charge and make things to be a certain way for if it is right it will be the wy i wnt it to be on its own without my interference.

What am I so happy about??

"What are you so happy about??" ...nothing in particular.

"Are you always genuinely this happy all the time ?" ...frankly yes.

Not because everything is perfect in my life.

Some things hit you when you just cant take anymore of thinking..... when you are sick of all the "me time" that you spend searching for answers.

From your end my life would be pretty normal (even undecided), I may be going through involuntary existance but actually it is just the opposite ...voluntary existance in an involuntarily given life.

We are confronted with a magnitude of things,sometimes immense love and sometimes seething hatred.But you can make the choice of being sour and unhappy or practical and happy.Its really of no use thinking of things long gone, all that matters is the future which is the only thing you can truly look forward to.

I am not happy because I have it all, but because I know what is and what is not and what can be, I am not happy because I have zero worries but because I now truly realize there is much more grief that surrounds the people who surround me.

There is no option in life... you can let go of a lot to capture what really matters or hold on to something that doesnt exist anymore and trade off a lot that could have been.

Things could have been better..or worse, who knows...why speculate,all I can mould is the future no point being unhappy now ..is there. :)

The thing with needs...

Whenever things are unattainable it is the sole obssession of our lifes...and we do all we can and cannot ...above and beyond to attain that.

When the object comes closer we lose our sight to something else...but continue just coz we promised ourselves that we will achieve it,although dying to move on evn before we have reached.

And when we do reach that place we strangely want to return to where it all began.

Leaving a place and moving on brings with it similar feelings. There is the whole craving to be someplace else and when you finally begin the journey u wish u had not started coz so much lies here that u wouldnt want to let go .....dont want to lose sight of.

Thats the thing with needs.....once fulfilled they leave a void of another kind....and dont have the same appeal anymore, for they are no longer unattainable and become the source of another need.

If only we knew.

What would I have done differently?....Maybe nothing
Do I regret anything? Yes quite a lot of things....

There are a lot of possibilities, lots of opportunities that we give up...for whatever reasons. All this shouldn't matter, for it is all in the past ...It shouldn't but It does.

All of us have ghosts from our past haunting us time and again....consciously unconciously.

A stroll on a sunnny day after zillions of walks in the night makes you see what you desperately sought to ignore.

Yet I cant help thinking....I have been misunderstood ,by others and by myself at times.....but then again sometimes even I never tried to understand.For everything that I gave up there was someone who lost more than me....for everyhting someone gave up I fell back in the race.

Maybe we would have not done anything differently, for all that we chose to do is well thought of .But we would have not given up on a lot of things, if only we knew.

Black and White

Birth cannot necessarily be a happy affair and death is not necessarily a moment of sorrow.

For as long as we can fog a mirror.....something in us will be born each moment even as something else dies simultaneously.

However, like a lot of things nothings remains black or white.

You shed silent tears for all the good in you that you promised never to let go and smile through all the "right answers".

Quarter gone

So much never seen
So much never heard
Such a small life
Already quarter gone
When will I indulge
When will the mole work
When will the tents open
Which butterfly will I touch

When will the haze cover me
and sweep me into invisibility
When will I find the nook

Hot coffee need I share
or rest and sleep in blissful daze

And more

I lived in a fairytale
and rightly so...for I was a
child with whimsical hope

Dew descends or I rise
a lot lies replaced
fairytale no more

Yet I believe and continue
to cherish
my fairytale will fill a lifetime
and more

Wishful thinking ..whimsical thoughts
in the end thats all that matters....
.......Thoughts

I wish I had chalked them down
more often...kept a record
so I could look back and
become a child again....
careless, free, wiser
..........And More

Why we love children

When we are in the present so much zooms past un-understood.

Wisdom catches on with thoughts of the future and past.Children take away such a huge chunk of our affection precisely for this reason,for it is in them that we see our past and future culminate.

And this is why we teach them all that we wish was told to us, we show them all that fascinated us in our lifetime, we infuse in them the concept of infinity.....with the hope that it keeps their craving for knowledge going and their quest for life happily unsatiated.