Just talk!!

"Tell me something you have not told me before!!" this question from a new found friend not only left me a little surprised but also made me think.

Think.... when was the last time that I talked with anyone ?? I mean really talk..no communication, no ulterior motive, just pure plain simple talk. aimless conversation spanning the new things in life, the news, my dreams, childhood incidents, gossip, anything.

For a very long time as I came to realise, I haven't been talking I have been communicating .. text messages planning dinner, e-mails asking or providing someone some help.
Mechanical conversations during the drill of eating, where my mind would stray about how to manage the 6 hours of sleep I promised myself.

Any talks in a group being very safe communication - about work, the food or some news. No time for discussions.

The 3-4 hour long calls I used to enjoy are dreaded for it eats away my time for reading, gathering information, analysing the pros and cons, weekly cleaning, new music.

But whats the point of such analysis which I cannot share. Whats the point when all your friends feel like you have no time.Whats the point when life is dictated by a lot of truncated "luv u's". Whats the point when all you are doing is presenting your best to the world so much that you start fearing not being perfect even with your friends.

I have become so prone to "communicating effectively" that my work is always done a day before the dead line, I can fit the newspaper and magazine reading, complete the cleaning, plan the home trip perfectly 2 months in advance, go for the long walks, plan the day to give everyone sometime.All work done ... yet so much given up.

A few months ago I used to be all over the place talking with every friend talking till the jaw hurt.Now I am"not to be seen" and never available to the people I really like.

In the quest to gather the latest in news, business and music I almost forgot, to talk.

Movie Review ..

If the wonderful trailers and Radio Mirchi's insistent gyan on "Salaam e Ishq" have not convinced you to see this movie, maybe this post would be the little encouragement that you need.

The reasons you should watch this movie:

1. You feel so blessed to own an i-pod, (in my case I was just happy I borrowed one)
2. You realise that those tiny clip on lamps that you use during train journeys to read books can be a wonderful accessory when going to cinema.
3. All the asprin in your medicine kit, which was nearing expiry..wont go wasted anymore.
4. You get an opportunity to try cheese,tomoto,butter,caramel popcorn in the same film-span.(the movie is a wonderful 4 hours long)
5. It is the only movie where you can take a nap or more and yet not miss a thing.

The only problem, it might be difficult for you to get the tickets.

Twelve people.Six stories. One problem ... aaaargh

Let there be Light..

Time is known to change a lot, make you forget, move on,become responsible...mature. but time makes you selfish too, calculative,egoistic and selfish.

You want to help and you keep giving, but someone on top of you shows you these things .. things which make you wonder .. what am I doing wrong or more importantly why do they think I am wrong?

Is it wrong to help somone when they need support.All that was given were a few words of reassurance, a vision of what awaits and what can be. a push that keeps others from stumbling wher you stumbled before.

A few years ahead of me and you tell me that what I do is wrong.. that it's not the way things work.

Its suffocating in here,
I choke ...
Let me free...Let me be.
I am no harm ..
Neither is this person with me
Keep the ego aside for someone who has yet to arrive

We all need to find our path, but when someones gropping in the the dark isnt it right to show the light.. do you want no one to see ..

Don't turn off the lights... is it the light you fear that someone will see or is it the darknss in your soul you don't want to shine glorified.

Let there be light.... for what shone in you is dimming.

The curse of packing ...

The one thing I hate .. utterly hate... is the cleaning up and packing that comes along with shifting base. Suddenly the city u were in a hurry to leave never felt so much like home.

Its nightmare after nightmare what with the maids harressing you with theirinsistent 7:30 a.m attempts to tidy up the room for the next occupant , followed by your own "discoveries" of some ten thousand things you needed just a day ago and another ten thousand which you couldn't find and so bought a new one So now you have pairs of relatively useless stuff to pack.

Its also when u realize that all the cardboards conveniently left on top of cabinets have become breeding grounds for cockroaches. And that you have only two suitcases when u have enough stuff to fit 4 suitcases, 2 air bags and a trunk + the desktop..Ofcourse.

To make things worse ... more stuff keeps piling up ..with all the going home shopping.."Oh!! I will never find this in Hyderabad for such a price."

The positives ... I now know how the room really looks like ..with all the heaps of cloths gone..and I found my long lost pair of sneakers ..in someone elses room undergoing the same drill.

Pune you are....

Another month and the time would come for me to leave my home for two years.
Pune.

It was so easy to shoot down any chance Pune had.

Bad roads
Bad traffic
Ohh! gawd the pollution
Why is everyone so mean
Damn this language ..what are they saying about/to me
Movie ticket prices
Screen Sizes .....

But sometimes .. love takes time .. and I never came to realise when Pune grew on me. The exact moment could be traced to dreamy trips at 1 a.m to Lavasa, dinners at Fat Kong, the addiction to Bakers Delight coffee ,the brisk walks to e-sqaure to catch the early morning show or the subscription to "I love Ratna(Hotel)" community.

Pune will never be what Hyderabad or Mumbai are to me.But it comes close. Close because I will miss the countless moments of my firsts .. my first trek, my first real drink, the place that showed me the world when I dint even know.

A lot of firsts and even more repeats.

Heres to you Pune ..
Because Hyderabad was and will be
Mumabi will never leave me
but Pune you are ....

Closed

Sleep walking through life
The only witness ... closed eyes

Each day a reminder
Each day a struggle to forget
I apologize over and over to me
Willing the glow back
My inner glow

Over working or blocking away
Creating a mind where the past cannot stay
Yet I am the same ...its me
Cant you see ...
Me
Only ... Five years away

Did I win ..

Ever since I had decided to go on a no feelings trip, everything seems to be challenging me. But I have won in my experiment. Yet unlike any other victory this left behind a calm numbness.

An old man awaited my approach to the trafficlights everyday. Every morning I would give him a few slices of bread and fruit. It was by far the most humbling experience.. The look of greed, gratitude, hope, fear and hunger in those tired eyes, said so much.

Its been four days since I haven't seen the old man. Everyday I approach the crossroads hopeful .. For wat.. i dunno.

Today it felt so mundane ... what difference did it make.Maybe this is how it feels ... the soul hitting pain that you have allowed yourself not to feel.

The numbness towards it all ... something left me a few days ago, but it cannot compare to the emptiness I feel today.

But life is easier this way and I will get used to it. Did I win... no ...

I hope I am proved wrong at the end of this experiment I hope I can still feel.I hope my logic betrays me I hope I allow heart over mind ... but not just yet... not till it has proven itself.

Why cannot Today be a Sunday!!

One of the most appreciated luxuries when you start working - Sunday!!! Ahh the bliss of sleeping late (which in my case would be 9 a.m) and the hours of lazing under the canteen's asbestos sheet ( if we ignore the fact that all the renovation makes it look like the demolished set of "Kabul Express") .

Come monday ... the day begins with characteristic symptoms of foot in mouth disease (which btw NEVER goes so well when you are not around friends) .

I am on this whole trip of "Hello Mr. X I am J.Chaitanya Reddy ... need to ask you a few questions for my research .. blah blah " and the interview seems to be going pretty well when I go on and ask his opinion on about how dalalgiri has thankfully been slowly itching out of the real estate market, only to realise that I am talking to a Mr. E.M Dalal.

Damn ...

Mind over Heart

A lot of headaches are a result of letting the heart rule the mind.

But if we forget the feelings and do just the thinking, life would be so much more easier While a thinking mind allows space for laughter,tragedy invariably creeps in if the heart is allowed to interfere.

So much madness can be avoided if it is just thought and ... well no feelings.

Yeah yeah a lot of counter arguments can be made but when u can live every moment without emotional baggage who cares.In the quest to find a perfect balance of heart and the mind, this seems to be the most convenient respite.

happy new year

local transport serves many purposes.. not only do you reach your destination safe-ly, you also get to view the world in a completely different light. its a time to observe the local junta, the little known "famous outlets" and ofcourse laugh your head off at a few of these:

"Marry christmas and a happy new year"
"Open seven days a week and weekends"
"Safe -ty on road = safe-tea at home"
"Todays special - No icecream"
"Be a careless overtaker and you’ll meet the undertaker."
"Indians ar everywhere. :) How did they get there? :) . - Srilankan airlines" -- Am mot kidding thats their billboard

hmmm ... public education wat say!!