Did I win ..

Ever since I had decided to go on a no feelings trip, everything seems to be challenging me. But I have won in my experiment. Yet unlike any other victory this left behind a calm numbness.

An old man awaited my approach to the trafficlights everyday. Every morning I would give him a few slices of bread and fruit. It was by far the most humbling experience.. The look of greed, gratitude, hope, fear and hunger in those tired eyes, said so much.

Its been four days since I haven't seen the old man. Everyday I approach the crossroads hopeful .. For wat.. i dunno.

Today it felt so mundane ... what difference did it make.Maybe this is how it feels ... the soul hitting pain that you have allowed yourself not to feel.

The numbness towards it all ... something left me a few days ago, but it cannot compare to the emptiness I feel today.

But life is easier this way and I will get used to it. Did I win... no ...

I hope I am proved wrong at the end of this experiment I hope I can still feel.I hope my logic betrays me I hope I allow heart over mind ... but not just yet... not till it has proven itself.